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Note: The views and opinions expressed here are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the position of the Morris County Chamber of Commerce.

No One Gets into Your Head Without Your Permission

6/23/2022

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By Cal Thomas, Sandler Training
Have you ever volunteered a price reduction before someone asked for it?  Have you ever felt less than okay about yourself because somebody didn’t decide to buy from you? 

​If you answered “Yes,” you should be aware that you let your buyer into your personal headspace, where the buyer didn’t belong. ​You chose to become emotionally involved in the sales process. And you know what? That usually doesn’t end well.
When we give buyers permission to get into our head, we can’t do our job as sales professionals effectively. Once we allow ourselves to become emotionally involved in a discussion with a buyer, we give that buyer control over us. This control typically limits what we do in the relationship to the most familiar behaviors... and the most familiar behaviors – like discounting on command and damaging our company’s margins in the process -- very often do not support us or our team.
 
All too often, we give buyers permission to manipulate us. How? By allowing ourselves to become emotionally involved with the outcome of the sales call. Every time we see another person’s decision about whether to buy as a measure of our worth as a person, we put ourselves at a strategic disadvantage. When our sense of self is invested in the outcome, it’s much, much harder for us to perform the parts of our job that may push back against the buyer’s comfort zone. For instance: asking a tough but fair question, then waiting for the answer ... instead of nervously filling the gap in the conversation.

We may fill in that silence because we are accustomed, from long practice, to seeking approval and validation from buyers. Whether we realize it or not, we are granting them permission to get into our heads. And each time we do that, we’re far less likely to make good choices.
 
David Sandler had a famous piece of advice he would share with salespeople who routinely gave buyers permission to get into their heads. He used to say: “Keep your belly button covered.” That may sound like a strange piece of coaching to give to a professional salesperson, but the core idea, once you get your head around it, makes a whole lot of sense.

Think of it this way. Let’s pretend your boss asks you to attend a meeting with a prospective buyer who represents, potentially, several hundred million dollars to your organization. Would you show up for that meeting in a skimpy bathing suit that showed off your belly button, and a lot of additional real estate too? No. Why not?
 
Because some things are personal. They just aren’t meant to be shared in a professional setting. As professional salespeople, we have the right, and the duty, to draw a line between our private self and our public (professional) self. That’s just as true when we are implementing our sales process as it is when we are deciding what to wear to a big meeting. We get to draw the line and defend the line that protects our personal self. And we get to choose not to let buyers manipulate us. We get to notice and step around the trap of looking to the buyer for approval or validation.

If a buyer tries to manipulate us, and succeeds, that’s not on the buyer. It’s on us! Why? Because we made the mistake of letting that buyer into our head. If we’d kept our belly button covered, we would not have gotten manipulated.
 
The key takeaway here is pretty simple: The sales process is not the place for us to get our emotional needs met. Someone can say “No” to us, sure. But no one can use that “No” to undermine who we are as a human being – unless we give them permission to do so. We can’t let the possibility of a “No” response affect us on a personal level. Once we realize this reality, and act on it, we will find that are where we belong in our interactions with buyers: in the driver’s seat.
 
Get a list of the NEW Sandler Rules for selling to modern buyers when you download the latest edition of the Sandler Advisor.
 
Register for a FREE Sandler Training session here: tailwind.sandler.com
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  • About
    • Chamber Team
    • Our Mission
    • About Our President
    • Board of Directors
    • Morris Business Cabinet
    • Ambassadors Council
    • What Members Are Saying >
      • Share a Testimonial
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • Forums & Committees >
      • Monthly Agenda Submission Form
      • Women in Business Program Chair Application
      • Business Development Forum
      • Business Strategy & Tactics Forum
      • Environmental & Sustainability Forum
      • Government Affairs
      • Health & Wellness Forum
      • Hispanic & Diversity Business Forum
      • Human Resources Committee
      • Not For Profit Roundtable >
        • 2021 NFP Excellence Award Honorees
        • Nonprofit Donations
        • Not For Profit Conference Scholarship App
      • Tech Talk Forum
      • Women in Business Program
      • Young Professionals Forum
    • Staff Forms - Internal Use Only
  • Membership
    • Join the Morris Chamber
    • Retail Restaurant Membership
    • The Value of Membership >
      • Grow Your Business
      • Build Your Brand
      • Professional Development & Education
      • Government Advocacy
      • Community Outreach & Volunteering
    • Member Benefits >
      • Member Exchange Online Community
      • Mobile App
      • Member to Member Deals
      • Healthcare Solutions
      • Member Marketing Opportunities
      • Enhance Your Directory Listing
      • Connect to Morris Job Bank
    • New Member Survey
    • Member Referral Bonus
    • Grand Opening Support
  • Events
    • Chamber Event Calendar
    • Member Events Calendar
    • COVID-19 Safety
    • Signature Events & Programs
    • Leaders in Business Nominations 2022
    • Submit an Event Idea
  • Directory
    • Searchable Business Directory
    • Nonprofit Organizations >
      • Not for Profit Spotlight
  • News & Info
    • Certificate of Origin
    • Chamber Magazines
    • Business Resources
    • Legal Resources >
      • Employment Law
      • Commercial Services
      • Business Representation
      • General Legal
    • News Around the Chamber >
      • Around the Chamber Archive
      • Submit a Press Release
      • Submit a Neighbors Helping Neighbors Story
    • MCCC Blog >
      • Contribute to Our Blog
  • Programs
    • Economic Development Corp.
    • EDC Business Counseling
    • Leadership Morris >
      • Leadership Morris FAQs
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      • Renew LMAA Membership
    • Executive Council Program
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    • Entrepreneur Roundtable
    • Thrive Morris
    • Work-Based Learning
    • Hiring An Intern?
  • MCTV
    • MCCC On-Demand
    • MCTV Let's Talk
    • Actionable Advice Video Library
    • Member Spotlights
  • Member Login