The Heart of Networking Is the HeART of Connecting (& Overcoming Fear and Anxiety)

By Casey Carpenter, Speak & Own It Communications
So many of us dread networking. In a room of C-Suite women I facilitated at CHIEF recently, at least half of them said that they did not like networking.  They felt drained by having to be “on.”  Others said they felt as if someone was going to try to sell them something, so they networked with their “sales shields” raised. Can you visualize what that might look like?  People chatting over coffee with many of them on the defensive. If we go into an interaction looking to defend ourselves from others, how authentic are we going to be when we show up?  Not very.

For others, networking is more than a nagging thought that someone might sell you something.  The discomfort of meeting new people and having to speak and be in the spotlight is more than daunting. It could be anxiety.  According to the Mayo Clinic, fear of public speaking is a common form of anxiety.  It can range from slight nervousness to paralyzing fear and panic. Some of us actually become so paralyzed by fear that we avoid public speaking situations altogether. As a reformed wallflower, I would encourage you not to avoid speaking situations, but to practice mindfulness and perhaps consult a professional to get the support you need. Too much of our business success depends on how we show up, how we speak, and own it!

As a naturally shy Introvert, how did I move from fearing networking (I meditated in the car and gave myself a pep talk before my first Women In Business subcommittee meeting) to truly enjoying the experience?  Fortunately, our Chamber invests resources to support our networking skills, so we share a “give first” mentality.  And there’s an art to it. Done with generosity of heart, I believe the power of networking boosts connection, engagement, and awareness of who you are and who you serve.  This eventually translates into revenue for your business.

Networking is the art of connecting to build mutually beneficial relationships. This can happen anywhere, not only at events that require a “Hello…My Name Is” badge.  But before you deliver your 30-second pitch to everyone within ten feet, there are some guidelines to help you show up authentically.  Here are a few of my best practices that you can use too.

Best practices:
Strive for genuine connection.  Go beyond “So…what do you do?” or “Where do you work?” and ask more creative questions.  Here are a few of my favorites:

• “What brought you to this event today?”
• “Who are you looking to meet here today?”
• “What are you working on that’s got you really excited?”
• “What inspired you to join the Chamber?”

Tapping into the theme of art, in my spare time I am a museum docent. The word “curate” comes up a lot in museum talk.  I got curious about the word and found that “curate” means “to care for.”  Museums have professional curators on staff who select the works to be exhibited.  They research each piece’s background as well as the artist.  Each work of art tells a story…and it’s the stories that draw us closer and want us to learn more. We engage with and respect the art more when we know its story!

If you were a curator of people, what would that mean?   How might you show up differently?  You might ask someone to share their story.  How did they get where they are today?  You would give first by holding precious conversational space.  You’d listen generously and seek to understand before talking about yourself. They would feel amazingly good in your presence.

And yet there are some techniques that just are not artful.  They don’t have heart nor art.  Here’s what doesn’t work:

• Treating networking like a cold calling opportunity where you “spray and pray”
• Listening poorly and remembering nothing
• Putting everyone you meet on your e-mail list (that can of SPAM is so old!)
• Being inauthentic. No one wants to have a “networking conversation”
• Being “me” centered
• Prejudging
• Having a short-term focus – networking inconsistently & expecting instant results
• Hanging around with the same people/people just like you
• Expecting referrals without people trusting you first – you have to earn referrals
  

So, the heart of networking is the art of connecting!  Think about a time when you had an amazing connection with someone you met while networking.  Reflect on some of the things you said and did that made the interaction special.  I’ll bet that you:

• Listened intently and remembered details about what they said
• Exhibited supportive body language and facial expressions
• Were comfortable in your skin – you were relaxed and in the moment.

You probably couldn’t wait to tell someone about the terrific person you just met.
At your next opportunity, try some of the things I recommended.  And please let me know how they worked out for you!
​Casey Carpenter is an executive leadership coach, speaker, and author. and founder of Speak & Own It Communications . She can be reached at [email protected]