Giving a Hand Up

By Cynthia Watts-Murphy, Love Your Legacy Coaching LLC
The American psychologist, Carl Rogers, developed a unique and powerful method of helping people create positive change in their lives and move toward achieving their full potential.  Prior to beginning each session, he would generate what he called, “unconditional positive regard”; a feeling in himself of deep and genuine caring for his patient, seeing them as the highest version of who they could be.  He was known for succeeding in helping his patients achieve significant positive growth and healing by means of using this framework.

I have two amazing and huge hearted friends, who recently raised money to support a local charity by sleeping outside, overnight, in the cold.
 
It made me think to myself, "Wow, That’s amazing! I don't know if I’d go that far." I felt so moved by their act of sacrifice in order to raise up a fellow human.
 
One of these friends shared that this particular charitable organization doesn’t simply give food and shelter, (both of which are a necessity), but in addition, helps train and build a skillset and mindset for homeless, and less fortunate people, to increase their sense of agency, autonomy and dignity.
 
… Essentially giving them a hand up, for greater opportunity and possibility.
 
Hearing that got me thinking. When someone I know is struggling, I've often felt an instinctive urge to sympathize with them - to do my best to feel what they’re feeling, believing that if I take on their struggle as if it's my struggle, I’ll be able to help them get better. 
 
This is one way to create rapport, but it doesn’t actually help a person out of their problem.  
 
It’s like seeing a friend in a deep hole in the ground, and instead of throwing them a rope and trying to lift them out of it from above, I jump in to try to help them.
 
Now, we're both "in the hole." We can only commiserate, which keeps us stuck there, together.
 
So even though there are times when sympathy is the most appropriate response (for example, when someone is not asking for help, and they just want a moment of comfort)...
 
...The downside is, when we meet people at their emotional frequency, and see them as limited by their circumstances, we can't actually help them create any type of transformation.
 
To go the extra mile and “teach a man to fish,” so to speak, takes the willingness to look beyond a person’s life situation and history, and to see their true spiritual nature, which is far greater than the challenges they face.
 
My two friends see the potential in the people they're supporting. 
 
They believe in the latent greatness in each human, in their capability to rise above their circumstances, no matter how downtrodden they may seem.
 
This is where true service is demonstrated.
 
I am reminded that every time I witness another person going through a difficult moment, I can give an energetic hand up instead of jumping into their hole with them.
 
What I mean by that is, I can honor the part of them that’s more than the challenge they face, (the infinite intelligent Spirit in them), and encourage and support their potential for creating any and all success they imagine, even if they can't see it themselves.
 
When we hold space knowing that every person is MORE than whatever situation they find themselves in, we are offering an energetic hand up.
 
My experience is that at our core, each of us is truly capable of thinking beyond the sometimes daunting hardships that come with being human.
 
And if we’re willing to think beyond the struggle, to imagine a possibility for something greater, we activate the part of us that can achieve it.  Sometimes we just may need to borrow  the belief of someone else in order to see our own potential.
 
You and I have the power to transform both ourselves and those around us, by having compassion for the human condition, while tuning into the infinite side of our nature that transcends circumstance, and generate unconditional positive regard for another.
 
So today, I invite you to give an energetic hand up to those around you who could use it, and to yourself, too.
 
Cynthia is a Certified Life Mastery Consultant and best selling author. Connect with her via email: [email protected]​