Parent, Adult, Child: How Transactional Analysis Shapes Buying Decisions

By Cal Thomas, Sandler Training Morristown
​What truly motivates buyers to buy? According to Transactional Analysis - the psychology framework at the heart of the Sandler Selling System - the answer begins with the Child ego state.  Why does the child matter in buying decisions? The Child represents the emotional core of decision-making. It’s the six-year-old inside every prospect who says, “I want this,” or “I don’t want that.”

​David Sandler recognized that no purchase begins until the Child says, “I want it.” The other two ego states--Parent (the internal judge) and Adult (the rational evaluator)—don’t engage until the Child expresses desire.

What Drives the Child to Say “I Want It”?
Psychologists suggest people buy to:

• Have something (a tangible benefit)
• Know something (access to insights or expertise)
• Do something (gain a new ability or solve a problem)
• Be known for something (status, recognition, or achievement)

These motivations are often triggered by emotions such as curiosity, fear, desire, or frustration—what Sandler refers to as Pain.

The key for sales professionals? Guide the conversation so the prospect’s Child expresses that Pain and recognizes the need for change.

How to Engage the Child in Sales Conversations
Getting prospects emotionally involved doesn’t always mean they’re upset, fearful, or distraught. Instead, it means they reach the internal conclusion:

• “I want to know what this person knows.”
• “I want what this person offers.”

That emotional spark—driven by the Child—is the true beginning of the buyer’s journey. Without it, no sale moves forward.

Why Parent and Adult Still Matter
Of course, emotions alone don’t close deals. As David Sandler taught, people buy emotionally and justify intellectually.
Once the Child decides, the Parent and Adult step in:

• The Parent asks: “Is this appropriate? Am I being impulsive?”
• ​The Adult asks: “Can I afford this? Are there better options?”

This is where the Sandler Selling System’s Budget Step and Decision Step provide structure. These stages allow the Parent and Adult to evaluate the purchase logically—ensuring the decision feels not only desirable, but also rational and responsible.

The Sandler Advantage: Addressing All Three Ego States
Transactional Analysis provides the foundation for understanding how each ego state influences buying. The Sandler Selling System equips you to:

• Position your product so the Child says, “Yes, that’s what I want.”
• Describe it so the Parent says, “You have my permission.”
• Present it so the Adult says, “This makes sense. Let’s move forward.”

When you align your sales process with all three states—Child, Parent, and Adult—you move beyond features and benefits to create trust, resolve pain, and close more deals.

Want to dive deeper into the psychology of sales? Download our complimentary resource: Why Salespeople Fail (And What to Do About It). Learn how to engage the Child, Parent, and Adult in every sales conversation.